Do you like my old poem? Wrote it and revised it a year ago. It's a poetry exchange. What do you think?

for you...



sometimes when dark clouds reign

and light is dimmed

when the rains fall without relent

and thinking is blurred

we will recall moments -

moments when reality changed

moments when larger selves emerged

moments when our beings knew love -

tenderness with a different face

cementing shared visions

as the waters cleanse the muddied earth.



-the sun





for you...



sometimes when the wind blows by

and daffodils go out of shape

tender thoughts of you flutter by

as i lie lazily under the shade

i will ponder moments -

moments we savour

moments we treasure

moments of endeavor -

hidden from the world's gaze

clandestine beings behind rays

celebrating the gift of knowing

solemnizing the art of loving.



-the moon

Do you like my old poem? Wrote it and revised it a year ago. It's a poetry exchange. What do you think?
Both were sw33t I'd say, great subtle imagery and very well written my friend *^_^*
Reply:I must agree with our poetic mistress that they are indeed well written.
Reply:Overall, a pretty good effort. I would want to make these two adhere to a similar form/structure so as to emphasize those places where the language is shared. I also think some of the repetition is a bit much for these short poems.
Reply:like the first one.flows,,,,

D.
Reply:ok well i think both are great but i like the first part better

ummm...

it catches me in a way it makes me finish reading it i give it 2 thombs up

good job thanks for sharing
Reply:I loved both of them but the first i liked a Little bit better ..your really good though Mary keep writing.
Reply:i like it alot i wish that i could write like that damn thats good.^_^