Here's my poem called Swimming With Daffodils. Guess the subject? Like the work?

Swimming With Daffodils



She works late at Hot Topic

She’s lookin’ kinda mean

Fifty pierces showing

And her blue hair’s fairly clean

Skin tight, holed-out jeans,

Pushed by about two-fitty,

You could be a true Christian

And still say she’s sort of pretty



CHORUS And she’s followed her heart, changing her name

To something she really feels

Her mother used to call her Jane,

Now she’s Swimming With Daffodils



She left family in a fight

One bag that she could carry

Did whatever she wanted

Then married military



Freedom was ten times better

Than stares at the exchange

All the neighbors marveled

How she left and didn’t change



CHORUS



BRIDGE Now she finally made her place

In a city that doesn’t mind her

And she’s found her path to faith and grace

Should one day her husband find her



(continued)

Here's my poem called Swimming With Daffodils. Guess the subject? Like the work?
I have to say, this is quite interesting and I also like it. All though it doesn't flow like some poems should, this would definitely be great in song form as it says with the chorus.
Reply:I really like it, Uncle Dodge...it rings many bells for me. I think about the way I rebelled in my late teens, and all of my children's rebellions in their early to mid teens...some just phases, others not.

I knew a brother and sister who moved from NY to San Francisco in the '70s...both died within a couple of years...very sad.
Reply:i like nearly everything about this poem/song

except for 'swimming with daffodils'

which is a great image

but doesn't work with anything else

as though it's a seperate idea

and should be kept as such

everything else

clearly says what it needs to say



(me likey)
Reply:the truth of a city womans life who is poor, left an abusive family and attempted freedom. She can do whatever she likes and takes it to the point of whatever life. I've lived it to some extent - breaking free of the family and living however I liked from day to day, for a while until I needed structure and natural beauty! reminds me a bit of the Good Fairies of New York, and the central character with her blue hair! Do you sing that on stage? It sounds like a punkish song. I must rest now.

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