Rate this poem, if you may?

In the malaise

Of a rudely setting sun

Your tungststen shield

Transparent and over-run

Quiet on quixotic passes

Through thick thickets

Of Pine. oak, and fern

Black forest

Black magic gift

Those tiny daffodils

Lying tranquilly abound

In the soft yellow countryside

Follow me tonight;

Down that dim path

Of pitiful moonlight

Our frenetic hearts

Will be blazed

By neon sparks

Rate this poem, if you may?
I think its great. Interesting word choices. Nice rhythm. I especially like "rudely setting sun". That's just perfect.



Great work. Star for you.
Reply:Whilst, very colourfull and gives a cross sectional reference. It does not provide an open %26amp; close, in other words there is no meaning.



An SUBJECT, is crucially important to any work.
Reply:Wonderful! You have a gift for painting pictures with words. Your poem evokes both mystery and magic in my mind's eye.
Reply:its pretty good...i like how you have to think your way trhough it to paint the picture in your head...on a 1-10 i say it would be a 9



maybe explain why it is a rudely setting sun, and now an inviting setting sun?..explain the tone a little more.



good job though :)
Reply:that is actually pretty good- well done
Reply:Very nice, pleasant to read.
Reply:Sam is wise, for a dog.

I think it has more merits than missteps.

You have good rhythm and a groovy vocabulary.

I like your work.

TD
Reply:This piece brings great confusion to me. You are using terms for something and then redirecting.



In lines 1 and 2 you write about depression and the rudeness of the sun.



In lines 3 and 4, you write about “Tungsten” (proper spelling) and the use transparent in your 4th line. This makes no sense at all since “Tungsten is: a gray-white heavy high-melting ductile hard polyvalent metallic element that resembles chromium and molybdenum in many of its properties and is used especially in carbide materials and electrical components (as lamp filaments) and in hardening alloys (as steel).

It is not transparent.



L5 – What is an Idealistic passes?



L 6 %26amp; 7:

Pines and oaks would not be considered as “thickets”. They are trees and, would be viewed as groves, woods or forest.



This is just a small sample of the confusion your piece brings. Although poetically written, the selection of some of the words you have selected to bring meaning into the piece brings confusion.



I suggest that you research further your selection of word usage so that there is no confusion in the message, story, thought and feeling that you wish to project.



Sam

PS: On the rating scale you receive a 5 from me. It is a semi-okay piece. It needs more work if you are willing. I hope that you are.
Reply:It's pure poetry...I know,my mom has gotten published before.

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