How does this poem work for you?

In the malaise

Of a rudely setting sun

Your tungststen shield

Transparent and over-run

Quiet on quixotic passes

Through thick thickets

Of Pine. oak, and fern

Black forest

Black magic gift

Those tiny daffodils

Lying tranquilly abound

In the soft yellow countryside

Follow me tonight;

Down that dim path

Of pitiful moonlight

Our frenetic hearts

Will be blazed

By neon sparks

How does this poem work for you?
A little heavy on the modifiers, I think. Your sentiment is lost in a pile of adjectives.
Reply:I see two elements from the periodic table in there (one misspelled), and atleast three words from the SAT vocab list. well done.