What do you think of this poem called Hurry Up Buttercup?

Daffodil runs up the hill

And Violet's on the go

Hurry up you Buttercups

We have somewhere to go



Don't dilly dally Daisy

You Tulips are too slow

Lexy's at the busstop

She's standing in the snow



We have to meet the butterflies

And meet the bumblebees

We have to make the sun shine bright

And put the leaves on trees



Rose's shining in her cheeks

And Lily's on the vine

At this rate it could take weeks

To see our Valentine!

What do you think of this poem called Hurry Up Buttercup?
This is a fun romp through a field of beautiful flowers, ideas, and rhythm. I thoroughly enjoyed your rhyme scheme and your language, speaking to Earth and relating to her. This was great and made my day.
Reply:Sigh. Once again my theory proves out that most people reward "best answer" based on those who can provide the best compliment versus a legitimate literary critique. One minute of fluffy compliments vs. 20 minutes of labored critical thinking for naught. Report It
Reply:Now this one is a poem! It's lighthearted, it has rhyme and meter and wonderful imagery of flowers. You also use personification of the buttercups. This would be a marvelous poem for children--and it would make a great lesson about flowers and other plants. Congratulations!
Reply:Okay, I'm offering my critique in part because you asked and in part because there are elements in your poem that legitimately intrigue me. So here goes.



Judging from the metrical pattern of your quatrains, it looks like you're using a traditional stanza pattern called the "common measure": an xaxa rhyme scheme with 4/3/4/3 alternating iambic feet.



Your pacing and rhythm are quite fluid overall, but there are some places where the meter might be problematic, and there is the matter of the final stanza actually being what's called a "hymnal measure," which uses an abab rhyme scheme; but I'll address issues of form a little later on. Let's address the content first.



This is an enjoyable piece of light verse dwelling with the tried and true poetic theme of a spring awakening with all the subsequent connotations of fertility and burgeoning sexuality incumbent to the spring imagery. While I would say it doesn't necessarily add a new perspective to the grand poetic discourse in respect of the theme (take for example the metaphysical poet John Donne who combined the additional gravitas of spirituality to enrich his contemplation of the physical world), your poem is still quite pleasingly executed.



Your clever use of personification seems deceptively effortless in equating flowers to young girls, or vice-versa. It's quite a clever trope to employ in respect of your theme. Flowers take on the characteristics of young girls and young girls take on the characteristics of flowers.



Although not being a botanist, I had to look up "Lexy" to learn it's a nickname for a variety of chrysanthemum. I learn something new every day! I hope that from a botanical standpoint, your characteristic descriptions hold up, i.e., a lexy would actually grow in snow, tulips are slow growing, etc., because that would add to the viability of your personifications.



I think I actually liked the "Lexy" personification best, because it locates Lexy (whether it references the flower or a girl) in an unexpected place away from the usual cliche places one would expect a flower/girl to show up in a springtime poem. But what's great is that either scenario, the flower or the girl at the bus stop (notice the spelling), is equally possible even if atypical (from a flower perspective).



My second favorite personification probably comes from your description of Rose (even though one risks the cliche of the image of "rosey cheeks"), because the particular phrasing you use is so unusual in its organic fusion of the flower and the person. Is it a rose's figurative cheeks that shine or a girl named Rose with shining cheeks or even an unnamed girl whose cheeks are flushed rose colored? The deliberate ambiguity created there is deliciously sensual and completely in keeping with your personfications.



"Lily" probably comes in third for the misanthropic image I get picturing a girl climbing vines.



I feel slightly mixed about the third stanza. While I like the implicit audacity that these flowers/girls are somehow the catalyst or causality for events such as the sun shining bright and putting leaves on trees, I'm not sure if I'm overly wowed by the standard-bearer images of butterflies and bumblebees.



The allusion to Valentine is quite apropos, since it invokes both romance and the implicit martyrdom when contemplating the historical Saints who have borne that name. What is spring but an awakening from the sufferings of winter?



Now back to the nitty gritty form and metrics of the poem. For the last stanza, I mentioned that you shifted to using what's called a "hymnal measure" from the "common measure" used in the previous stanzas. Given the allusion to the hymn in this final stanza (which in a secular poem can be either direct or ironic), I'm not sure the formal shift is entirely justified by reading the stanza in its entirety. Sure, the last two lines connote an element of religiosity and a kind of transformational event in terms of human love, but the first two lines involving Rose and Lily don't vary in significance all that much relative to the other flower descriptions. In that regard, I wonder how the rhyme scheme change could be justified.



Maybe that's nitpicky, but if you are going to make such a notable formal change in your poems, you should be prepared to explain your changes beyond a matter of whimsy (at least when you're talking to a formalist, which I tend to be). Poetry is the economy of words, so every word choice has to be worth its weight in gold.



There are a few places where you're metrical feet don't quite add up. Here there are:



"Don't dilly dally Daisy" is only 3 metrical feet rather than 4.



"Lexy's at the bus stop" is also only 3 metrical feet rather than 4.



"At this rate it could take weeks" is short one syllable to make a full 4 metrical feet. You could conceivably get away with the abrupt curtailing of the last foot of the line, but I'm not sure it's justified by what the line is saying.



But just be careful about how you work those lines if you decide to change them. I'd rather see a well written line that is slightly off metrically speaking than a line that has obviously been forced to meet a metrical pattern. Such efforts must be practically invisible, which I must say you manage to do for the most part throughout your poem.



Anyway, I hope the feedback was helpful. Good luck to you and your muses!
Reply:07 Daffodil runs up the hill

06 And Violet's on the go

07 Hurry up you Buttercups

06 We have somewhere to go



07 Don't dilly dally Daisy

06 You Tulips are too slow

06 Lexy's at the busstop

06 She's standing in the snow



08 We have to meet the butterflies

06 And meet the bumblebees

08 We have to make the sun shine bright

06 And put the leaves on trees



07 Rose's shining in her cheeks

06 And Lily's on the vine

07 At this rate it could take weeks

06 To see our Valentine!





I love it. It's a excellent vision of spring personified.



Whenever there's a rhyme scheme or stab at a pattern, I break it down by syllable. Many times folks will modify syllabic count to the detriment of a poem and although there is some drift between verses (stanza 2, line 3 is short one syllable) the pacing is so smooth and natural I wouldn't change a thing.



When I was reading it slowly, I believed the first two lines of the third stanza might have been a stumble. When I fell through the poem as intended, I saw that there was not stumble.



I am going to call attention to something I've spoken around previously. In general you use a falling meter in your stanza, meaning the first line is longer than the second. This is a good device to use to increase the pacing of a poem, to make it read faster which, as is especially true in this case, can be a great benefit.



As an experiment, I'm going to change one of the stanzas to illustrate what I mean:



08 We have to meet the butterflies

08 And meet the buzzing bumblebees

08 We have to make the sun shine bright

08 And put the leaves on waking trees



All of the sudden the pacing is slowed, the immediacy of the poem is changed. I much prefer the choices you made.



Now, to be honest, I would obsess over Stanza 2 line 3 and make it hit a 7 syllable count. That's me, it ain't necessarily right and, were I you, I'd leave it they way it is.
Reply:Yep, this is fun and light and airy and it's a wonderful romp through flowers and prose and I love it! A flawless Thumbs up on this baby!!!