Could you give me advice?

okay, I wrote a poem and want to know if its completely sucky

On this pretty, sunny day,

I row my canoe over the sun’s reflection,

And I relax on a daffodil-dotted hill,

Thinking about my past, present, and future.



On this gorgeous, windy day,

I wish to be a giant fluff in the sky,

And I pretend to fly friskily along beside,

Thinking about my past, present, and future.



On this wonderful, rainy day,

I wander through heavens tears,

And I wonder where it comes from,

Thinking about my past, present, and future.



On this beautiful, snowy day,

I watch the flakes fall from my window,

And I follow each one trying to catch it,

Thinking about my past, present, and future.



rate it 0-10

0 being no good start again

10 being publish it



thanks it would really mean alot to me if you voted or rated



(if you do rate it TRUELY with your heart i'll give you 10 points)

Could you give me advice?
Kind of doesn't flow, nice idea but like I said, like a video that keeps stopping and starting. Try connecting each paragraph's idea with the next one. Rate 4
Reply:an 8. I really liked it, it had a lot of comparing and contrasting in terms of pleasure and the different types of activities available in each time of the year but I think that maybe (if you want, this is your poem) consider omitting "I" in your poem. (for example, Wandering through heaven tears and wondering where it came from.) Just a suggestion, if you like it, great. Regardless if you take my advice or not, your poem is real solid and worth showing off. Congrats.
Reply:6 or 7



it's good!
Reply:i give that an easy 7. :)

you need some poetic devices in there, like some enjambment.

that 'WWW' guy is a bit harsh, the repetition is the best bit, it gives meaning to the poem.
Reply:the content is good but i kind of think the lay out it bad. i hope this doesnt offend you. the repition is too much and i think you might need to alternate betwene repitions rather then repeting the same things each stanza. also the end needs to be different then the rest of the poem so that the idea sticks with tthe reader. I suggest you find a poem format to use in order to polish this poem.



For a format i suggest you turn it into a "villanelle" since you like to repeat lines. it is a complex style of poetry but once you have set it up just right it makes good ideas into an excelent poem. look up Villanelle on google or yahoo. I hope this helps.



i rate it a 3 or 4 out of 10
Reply:It is really good but there are a few word adjustments that I would make. For instance, the word sun and sunny both in the first two sentences. Could the first one possibly read On this beautiful bright day? That would take the word out of the first sentence to leave in the second. I think other than that, it is really nice. I give you an 8. Good luck!

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